I forgot to post my awesome resolutions from last year, so I am making amends with these resolutions:
This year, I resolve to:
- Toilet paper more friends’ houses while I am at their parties. You are never too old to toilet paper.
- Continue to dislike gin. All gin tastes like barf.
- Win a Halloween costume contest without wearing a Lady Gaga costume. The costume is officially retired!
- Siege the neighbors with the trebuchet we have in the backyard. Don’t ask!
- Be less of a dick to people unless it’s the Sassy Scotch Drinker. He likes it when I act like a dick.
- Get liposuction.